Amour Sans Vie

I cannot say I love you any more than I already did. I wished to learn all there was and know what it was that made me feel so......but we're too full of mistakes to let go of ourselves. I'm too self-conscious to be the one you love. And you're too cruel. Don't expose hearts where they're not wanted. I would've ventured the ends of the world only to be heartbroken by you. And this is a habit I have not wanted to keep. La tristesse parisienne. Pourquoi? Je ne sais pas. C'est seulement amour. Amour sans mots. Amour sans vie.

It wasn't yours to hide and I knew my mistakes would've been made at some stage or another. I hadn't expected childish hatred to undermine me. And the games that confused me. Who knew I could be so stupid? And it wasn't what I wanted. But you're the one I would have fallen for. Where I would have landed I could not tell. But I guess you must have fallen too because of what it was. What it was I don't know but it must've been good to play the games that you did. La tristesse parisienne. Pourquoi? Je ne sais pas. C'est seulement amour. Amour sans mots. Amour sans vie.

The Light That Leads

Bringing up to scratch the tenderness that went away. If bitterness was the key then it is something I have lost. I can't bring back the terms of luck I lost once before. Hanging onto a ten year nightmare that's not the beginning nor the end. If in time, I regain. If in time, if in time. The feelings remain the same. Only ambivalence remains.

Where is the light that leads? It went out!

Tearing apart the ends of what was. The notebooks of teenage pain won't go away. It would have been fun if there were no feelings involved. Too many bruised feelings. The alter egos of imaginary figures. Many of whom we don't believe in. Too guilty in the scheme of things when she was too eager. Or was it misplaced cynicism cloaked in paranoid tension? I've forgot the effects of feeling once again.

Where is the light that leads? It went out!

I don't believe in you. And it's hard to move on when you're still here.

Though We Tiptoe

Though we tiptoe through it all. Through wear and tear, we get nowhere. I almost feel righteous in my disgust. A small price to pay for incompetence. If only it were easy, I would have slipped through the cracks. Lived inside the cryptic curse with my own private nurse. Even if she refuses to talk.

Though we tiptoe through. I can see the routine going forward in the same formation. Here is where the split divides. I'm not that instant. A slow burn on a wounded heart. A renaissance in surgery. De Medici pays me in secret gold. It stops me from getting old. Even though I am not so young.

Though we tiptoe. Silently across the hills where the former takes its share. Bordering on the horizon for the fantasy of new life. Somewhere. Somewhere. The destination changes by the minute and we're not sure where the map takes us. It's all a big surprise. When I get to the destination, I will tell you finally.

Though we.........stick to stones, break our bones. It grows more uncertain. Rumours persist. And you don't know me. I put my heart out for you but you chose to run. I used to be broken but now I can't blame you. Given half the chance I probably would have done the same to you. Only I would have wanted to have done it much more cruelly.

Though........I give up the fight. There's not much more to give. Only for the strength to kiss again. It pays in teenage heartache. If this is soul then it's invisible. Intuitvely stay underground. As soon as you lift your head, you're asking to be shot. I don't understand the attraction but then it was a long time ago. When the difference really mattered.