Repeating Relationship Talk

do you ever get recurring words you heard from former lovers stuck in your head late at night when you try to go to sleep?

oh yeah not just lovers though. get random conversations that rail through my brain

lately the words " you're the cause of my life " repeating in my head. makes you wonder what that person's life's worth if the relationship's over.

it can be so vapid talking like that

i was 16 at the time when she said that to me.....these days if someone said that to me i'd ask how much do they value their life and one person does not equal a life

oh, you were young then. then its okay

yeah and when you're that young you want to believe it. it's the one thing in the aftermath of that relationship that rankled with me. well it's just that for quite a long time and perhaps intermittently now i still wonder why she could say something like that. and given my reaction i held her to that word. i would have continued to to this day if it was still the same way but it's not. in fact i would have been happier if she told me that she was fucking somebody else but she had to be so secretive about it.

ive never been in a relationship for even a year nevermind three.

trust me, it rips you apart

oh, im sure thatd break me hard.

phone conversations end up feeling like soul sucking killjoys. you can't sleep, the only way to numb the pain is sit and watch tv. the one thing you want is somebody to hold or somebody to hold your head in their hands when really all you can really do is look at the sky.....look at all the cars and neon lights and try to put a brave face on but occasionally slip back into character and talk disconnectedly.

its unfortunate that you had to go through all that stuff.

yeah.....it's why i have a hard time someone saying that i will love again......it's like shortcutting circuits so that people are safe