I'm just keeping this here so I never have to think about it ever again. Or at least I hope not

well you see this is the thing, the whole thing was a complete mess.....i'd saved up a lot of my wages to go over and see her more often
Ain't nowhere but space says:
when i was boarding the flight to leipzig i was so excited i couldn't sleep - i was roughly awake for 36 hours running on sheer adrenaline
Ain't nowhere but space says:
but the whole thing that happened was that i might have came at a bad time for her, i don't know, i phoned her before i was coming to say that i would be there on the 27th and when i got there she wasn't there
Ain't nowhere but space says:
i phoned her again and after a lot of stuttering on my part about when can i see her, i say " well i'm here now " which really surprised her
Ain't nowhere but space says:
we tried to arrange one date but she didn't recognize me and i wasn't sure if it was her......i got so paranoid that i almost could have been like a stalker
Ain't nowhere but space says:
i felt so miserable i cried myself to sleep and woke at midnight ( i fell asleep at 4pm ) - we arranged another date on new years eve ( the eve of her birthday )
Ain't nowhere but space says:
i felt this was the perfect time to give her her birthday present - a ring to say as a token of friendship
Ain't nowhere but space says:
i got there no problems, and i, rather naively, thought that i could stay with her. it didn't quite work like that
Ain't nowhere but space says:
i gave her her present anyway but i didn't get to see her open it to see what it was - i had to find out the next day on the telephone which felt a little soul destroying.
Ain't nowhere but space says:
we talked for a bit - or rather we both stared at the floor while we talked and whenever she would talk i would look at her intently
Ain't nowhere but space says:
as soon as another friend of hers came in ( a guy ) for the next few hours all it would be was her and him talking in german - at this point in time i didn't know much german and i didn't know what i was to do
Ain't nowhere but space says:
the only thing that she said to me during his time there was to put on a ministry cd i had brought with me
Ain't nowhere but space says:
by the time it struck midnight we watched the fireworks which made me feel incredibly paranoid
Ain't nowhere but space says:
everyone was setting them off with striking distance of me that i felt like a war veteran jumping all over the place in fear whereas these 3 were heard to be saying " oh wow das ist wirklich schoen. so wunderbar "
Ain't nowhere but space says:
i was a bit surprised that they were going to some other party and that i had to look for another hotel. she just pointed to the nearest hotel whereas her and her two friends walked off leaving me to walk rather afraid that one of the little kids were going to throw a banger that would blow in front of my face
Pj says:
doesnt sound like a dream date
Ain't nowhere but space says:
it wasn't - but i was so in love with her that i just didn't see through it at the time
Ain't nowhere but space says:
the hotel was booked out anyway leaving me to get the receptionist to call for a taxi which duly arrives - and given that my german at the time was extremely limited and the taxi driver's english was even more limited - it made for a hellish experience
Ain't nowhere but space says:
not least the little bastard kids deciding to throw bangers under the car and all i can think is " don't fucking explode right now - please don't fucking explode "
Ain't nowhere but space says:
anyway after a bit of indecision i decide to go back to the place i was staying because i just wanted to be somewhere where i could feel somewhat safe
Ain't nowhere but space says:
in the following weeks any time i tried to call her she was either out or had work to do
Ain't nowhere but space says:
there was a time where i got one girl to book a table at a restaurant only to cancel it minutes later because when i rang jette she said she was too tired to go anywhere
Ain't nowhere but space says:
i tried to say that i would come over if it would make her feel better but she just wanted to go to sleep. i felt so terrible having to get the girl to cancel the reservation for me
Ain't nowhere but space says:
all i could have the energy to do was to listen to jacques brel's ne me quitte pas - quite an appropriate song really with the way i was feeling
Ain't nowhere but space says:
and i was playing that on repeat
Pj says:
ouch, that doesnt sound fun at all
Pj says:
sorry, but what a bitch
Ain't nowhere but space says:
looking back on it now i can agree with you - but back then i would have defended her to the end
Ain't nowhere but space says:
here i am listening to a song that pretty much said that he loved this girl so much that he would continue to dig her grave even after his death and in a way that was how i felt
Ain't nowhere but space says:
but there's more to the story
Ain't nowhere but space says:
by this time i was in a hostel getting by each day doing what morgan spurlock does in supersize me......apart from the odd day when i would eat pasta
Ain't nowhere but space says:
there was one time where i would ring her on another failed attempt to have some sort of interaction with her and when i would listen to her talk, i started to feel like my soul was being sucked out from underneath me
Ain't nowhere but space says:
and i would sound like a six year old child - my voice was unusually high. when the conversation would end and i would hang up the phone i would just burst into tears
Ain't nowhere but space says:
i think i reached cracking point when anybody remotely resembling her i would just start running to see if it was really her and i guess i was on the brink of madness......running to find out that while it looked like her you'd look and say " no she's a bit smaller than jette "
Ain't nowhere but space says:
i just decided to make a break for it and phoned another friend of mine to see if i could see her - which she was really fine with - she said she would meet me at the train station
Ain't nowhere but space says:
i did say that before i went i just wanted to see if i could see jette just one more time before i went.....which proved to be yet again another unmitigated disaster
Ain't nowhere but space says:
i just gave up hope and took the train from leipzig to oldenburg and when i got there the girl arrived and drove me to her house and i was allowed to have her room while she would sleep somewhere else which i was really grateful for
Ain't nowhere but space says:
i still had problems sleeping though - each night i would wake up at 2 or 3 am and turn on some tv show that would show strippers - i felt that completely useless that i would watch anything just for a bit of human interaction
Ain't nowhere but space says:
but during my short stay with ina ( the good girl ) i perhaps loosened up a little bit but she did say to me that i looked very troubled
Ain't nowhere but space says:
and what was great was that she drove to hamburg were we met loo-z ( claudia ) and went to a goth disco where i had a great time ( until i ate dodgy pizza )
Ain't nowhere but space says:
afterwards i went to eindhoven, ran out of money, came home, tried to email jette again but by that stage i could see from her replies that she just couldn't give a shit about me
Ain't nowhere but space says:
and so concludes a soul destroying adventure brought to you courtesy of david s murphy in co-operation with ryanair
Pj says:
ack, thats horrible
Ain't nowhere but space says:
aye
Ain't nowhere but space says:
i've never quite told it in so much detail as i have right now
Ain't nowhere but space says:
still if anything the amount of cds i brought back from there was incredible - dirt cheap too but that was the only positive
Ain't nowhere but space says:
so any other comments?
Pj says:
i just can't believe she led you on like that
Pj says:
really kind of baffling to me
Ain't nowhere but space says:
what can i say - i'm a fool for love
Pj says:
and she is a bitch!
Ain't nowhere but space says:
she really was a bitch