Nothing Left To Say

Watching a love affair unfold. I know I fell behind. The connections snaps. I disconnect into a void. But nothing is here. Just hidden memories.

What does it feel like to watch it all fall apart? How can I tell you anything, you won't let me talk at all. In my mind it's always the same thing, the only people I ever care for disappear. Just like all illusions.

There's nothing left to say.

All Or Nothing Job

Just tell me when it's over, I just don't care anymore. At least I can be certain when everything is gone. This suicidal all or nothing job has left me with apparitions of the past. It's not that you're with someone else that bothers me. It's all just unattended suitcases. So go ahead and destroy me. It's not my place to run and hide.

This suicidal all or nothing job has left me with apparitions of the past. Where the egos bruise and the isolated shut off. Your eyes do more damage. And in the end I forget the reason for living. It all seems so pointless anyway. As if there was ever any real meaning. I'm not allowed to talk anyway, you wouldn't let me. You got under my defences and tore the life out of me. Soon I'll see doppelgängers of you and wish I could erase the past so that I wouldn't have to feel again. But I know I will. That's what happens, doesn't it. Everything repeats. Maybe we'll fall in love again, maybe you'll kill me.

What Else Do You Want Me To Be?

What better way to fall. We're a full showcase. A settlement of equal measure. Turning inward at the slightest outward curve. You burn in the night, I melt by the light. Secret lives on top of secret lives. Always incomplete to keep with the times. You can't hear what I'm saying but it's not your fault.

What better way to feel. The slightest bit of happiness is a cause for celebration. But we're not celebrating. Time moves to fast for something like that. Keep living in the past as we're still playing catch up. It's like being on some TV gameshow, you know full well we're being made to look like prats but just smile and keep waving and everything will be alright once the spotlight is on.

If I can be anything else for you......

The spear, the heart, the crying shame, the hounds all bark, the impostor is gone. A DIY shift or a new makeover, you too can look this good in five easy steps. Easy night is sweet love between the stars. It doesn't take a scientist to know what we really mean but it might help to read between the lines. If we ever read between the lines.

What else do you want me to be?

Search Through Broken Nights/Private Majesties Of Lust

Bodies become weapons. Thoughts become missiles. Talk is violence. We're going cheap. Let's go out tonight.

Burn private majesties of lust. Lingering long after midnight, you're not the same person I used to know. But what am I?

We search through broken nights, private arguments to get what we want. There's no use in compromise. You have an army of lookalikes all waiting to tempt me into something that I don't want. They all smile the exact same way.

We search through broken nights, private arguments to get what we want. It's either you or me. You'll change your name, take on another language, press me to the wall and violate me. Body and mind become as one.

Would you make up your mind? Stop sending your army of clones. Their studied looks, smiles and poses. Their gestures are all the same. They must figure out all your moves and go further than you ever would. To trick me into thinking that they're not like you.

Burn private majesties of lust. I'm not yours anymore so why do you still cling onto my mind?

Silent Kiss And Stab In The Dark

To think of you here. Passing through time. Lightly slipping through my fingers. Gold dust on the floor. And this is just the start. Of some beautiful nightmare. It's not the only thing that's been plaguing my mind tonight. I hope I'm not intruding. I never know if you've got some secret rendez-vous lined up. I wouldn't want to be interfering with something so carefully planned.

It's not too late. I could sleep here. A couch is as good as a bed. It's just not as warm. And though you're freezing cold it's the thought that would have counted. If I could have that moment just once then everything would be alright. But I'm more likely to test your patience. It doesn't take a fool to know that.

Income outcome. The feelings stay the same. You fill me up intensely, that I'm just an empty space within the distances inbetween. I bore everyone else to death. You're the only one who makes me feel alive. I'm a slab of meat to the rest of the world but only you make me feel human. Drifting on up through the hillsides. Love stories lost on what has been destroyed.

Damage limitation never seems to work for me. If you want to destroy me, go ahead, I've no reason to feel anything anymore. Your eyes kill me inside the longer I go on. I felt a part of the future even if I lurk somewhere in the past. In every triangle that's cast I don't know where to move in case I should hurt anybody's feelings. Inevitably, I hurt my own.

Remove me. So that I get my answer. A silent kiss and stab in the dark.

To think of you here. Passing through time. Lightly slipping through my fingers. Gold dust on the floor. And this is just the start. Of some beautiful nightmare.

Remove me. So that I get my answer. A silent kiss and stab in the dark. You're so sweet, you disembowel me.

And The Idea Is Random

Until late last night. My head melts. Your eyes burn. Can't think straight. I guilt trip over you over minor offences. What use are these? I'd reconsider but I've already been changing my mind. Does anyone ever mean what they say?

The future or what's left of it. Stars, galaxies, constellations. Watching the atoms burn from the inside out. A spontaneous combustion of pure thought. Direct freedom from within chained from the outside looking in. Don't worry, we're not going nuclear here. Isn't nice to feel something? Isn't nice that we're all human after all?

Where are you? What state is this? I'm looking at the paranoiac's panorama.....it's really interesting. Please come inside, don't feel ashamed to take your shoes off. That way you get more comfy as time goes by.

Faust - Jennifer

Jennifer your red hair is burning. Yellow jokes come out of your mind.

Something Close

Criticise with an open mind. Instinctively it's your cult that I take interest in. Everything surrounds and if I look, I will see. I feel comfortable here with you and I'd like to stay as long as possible. It's just a matter of time and together we'll be a part of the crime. In a household of three, everything's fine and we'll be happy. In the best of all possible worlds, nothing is impossible.

Every scar. Every word. Every feeling. Every thought. Every picture.
I only want what is there. I only give what I have. If there's nothing there, just tell me. I don't want to you to con me, just like I don't want to con you. It might not be love but it's something close.

Scene Between Ex Lovers Returning

I'm impressed with you. You hardly seem to have the will to go out with many people. You don't seem so interested in sex. You don't want anything to do with anyone. It's only when you started getting interested in someone did I decide that i had to act. And act decisively. So what did you do between the years?

*face down looking at the table* What's there to know? I've been in relationships but they've never really went anywhere. I never really felt the need to do things for the convenience of others. Besides I could never talk about sex with you. You never let me. I would listen to you talk about these men you'd love to be in bed with but I could never say anything.

That's not true. You just never said anything.

Because any time I did, you'd put me back in place. I was a caged animal. That's how you liked everything. There's only so many times a pet gerbil can run on that wheel without dying of exhaustion at some stage. You exhausted my love for you. I could never say anything. Just be the quiet boy who does what he's told and if he's lucky, he might get a little treat.

But you liked that didn't you? It was all part of the act!

The act, the act. It's always a fucking act. We're always actors playing out some lines that some fucker has written down for us. Or I act this way, or I act that way. How could I love you? How could I really love you? I was just an experiment for you. You really wanted me to go insane. To wind up on anti-depressants. To be this close *puts thumb and finger together* to a mental home. I nearly hung myself in a hotel room.

*eyes down at the table* I'm sorry.....I didn't know......I tried giving you hints that I just wasn't into you that much. I could never understand your paranoia, the panic attacks you would have. Hell I felt boxed in as well. You acted like a complete jerk sometimes. How was I supposed to tell you, you would react furiously. You never took things well.

You know why that is.....because hints don't work. You should have said something. Instead of insult me when I made an honest criticism. Let's be honest with each other meant let's insult the fuck out of each other.

So how's your sex life then?

Non existent - I really hate when people ask that question. Who cares about it? It's like we all want to picture our own secret porno.......anyway, I've never really had much interest after you decided to disappear. If I did have it, I'd hate it because of the smiles on their faces. The same smile that you would use any time you would deceive me. I know they were faking it. I wouldn't believe the bullshit they'd tell me. Of course they're happy - everybody is in this selfish world. They get what they want, they're happy. But it's not what I want. But try telling that to anyone else and they go crying to any man who willingly use them for what they want. *looks out the window*

You're really bitter. I could never understand you.

*looks in her eyes before quickly facing the table* Tell me something I don't know. Nobody has, too shy, too bitter, too crazy - who the fuck cares? Everybody's only interested in themselves, it's how people go far in this world. Anyway why did you come back to torment me.

Well I came here for the money obviously. I wanted to see how you were but obviously you still hold extreme bitterness over what I did. What I did, I did for your own good? Yes I humiliated you, yes I destroyed everything you held sacred, everything you believed in, because you were so naive. So clueless as to how to make it in this world and so fucking ambitionless. I want to climb the fucking ladder and all you care about is seeing what fucking colour the clouds in the sky are. You're so fucking full of shit.

*defeatist* Yeah okay, so I wasn't perfect. I believed in something that wasn't there......I wasn't motivated enough for your standards. I just wanted you and nothing else. The madness of it all. But why is it that when I feel like I'm progressing and that I'm moving on, you come back to haunt me.

*evil smile* Because I love fucking with your mind. I've never found such a beautiful brain that could be corrupted so easily. That's why I miss you. No other gave me such pleasure. I never wanted to see you naked, I just wanted to see how I could destroy you. The fact that I can still destroy you after all these years gives me an enormous sense of pleasure. *looks at the time on her mobile* Whooo looks like I better be off. *looks at guy slumped in his chair and smiles* Cheer up, you know you love this as much as I do. Bye * walks out*

*frail* Waitress? I'd like another Coke please. And a chicken caesar bagel, I feel like I'm going to need it

Where The Eagles Fly

It retains a sense of humanity. You can see it flash before your eyes. In a change of heart or a change of mind, her kindness does not go unnoticed.

If I could forget every complication I've ever made, would you allow me to speak.....broken hearts speak better.

We grow colder, we grow warmer, we grow distant, we grow closer, we grow in contradictions, only part of the story can be told because nobody understands, least of all ourselves.

Whatever happens now stays but it will always leave a trace. Some people will never notice. It's passion blinds us.

Let it burn. Over the skies where the eagles fly. Only you know why. Only you know why.