Synthesise To Fetishise

Only in seperate meanings am I allowed to talk. The rain keeps me. And here is my engine. There's no soul destroying story I have here to tell you. Even when my body falls apart. It either never happened or went as quick as flash. Excerpts in tonality, a formless icon to spread itself over you.

And here I am now. Lost in the daze of inseperable hours passing by to make the life I once had seem ideal. Only to skip forward to you and relinquish all control. If only what's around me made any sense. But I want to dissolve just so I can live within you. I'd pay for any crimes but I always live in fear of being maxed out. And then I could be burnt out.

Synthesise my feelings to fetishise pain. A new star in the sky. Sunrise in the sunset. Nothing will make sense. Other than your love.

The Triangle Closes In

I didn't think that talking causes something else. This whole triangle comes closing in. I picked you after all but still you feel that you're only a substitute. I should've known better than to talk but I thought it was okay given that we were friends after all. But I should have been more careful. Should have taken more consideration into what I do. I didn't mean to hurt you or make you angry.You should know that once I make a decision, I never look back.

Now all of this comes crashing down. The clichés are true and they crumble into dust. What's my life without you? I don't value it highly without you. Yes, words are cheap, and so am I. The fool in me wishes it never happened, the rest just wants to make it up to you. Every word I've said is true. I'd much rather live with my arms and tongue chopped off and my eyes gouged out than to live without you.

You're all I have. Please, don't leave me. It's unbearable and it's just going to get worse. And of course, no matter what I say or do, I will always love you. And if you want me gone, then I won't go from this alive.

Killer's Instinct

Floating on the loneliness. Floating on your tenderness. Your touch provides a killer's instinct. Something which I'm keen to use.

A River Of Our Tears

Learning. Deceiving. I want to be a memory but I'm stuck inside this.

Breathing. Leaving. I turn into a forgotten line from a book you read before. And how many times must I remember this before it goes away.

Trop plus espions regarde moi et je ne sais pas pourquoi. Regarde tous les mouvements que je fais et je sais que peur et angoisse sont avec moi á tous les moments. Comment je souhaite l'amour avait simple. C'est une dessien compliqué.

I wish they could forget the stupid design made out of last year's wild eyed delusion. It was all an illusion that they just can't shake. Give me something that isn't tainted. Give me something closer to death. When we kiss, the difference isn't there anymore. Time dissolves into flesh which dissolves into space. The more I look, the more I disappear. And it's happening to you as well.

Dissolving into your love, I surrender to our sincerity. Each time remembering we swim in a river of our tears.

On The Edge With Dreams

Defining a set of circumstances through nerves and the inevitability towards fate. The one chance of love burning intensely in a sky lit with the Northern Lights. To burn across the lights with the dreams dying between your arms. Heaven awaits these new possibilities. A chance to reconcile the past with the future here and now. Wish you were with us with the Northern Lights.

Dancing on the edge with the dreams of the future. Make it all so that I could lead into tomorrow with a better feeling. I know the ends fritter away in a silent dance of doom but you lift me out of the veil of gloom. Sitting here in this silent room, the years grow colder through all the abuse. The denial of torture twists even deeper into the secret heart of it all. So where would I be tonight if it wasn't for you.

How Many Lives Does That Kill Inside?

Pushing through the seeds of doubt that linger on in my brain. 18/19/20 years of wasted pain inside the gruelling vision of the chamber I put myself in. Let it go straight to my head......with the bullet in the gun and the gun to my head. Make it seem so over the top and keep it trained in an immoveable object. That's why there's problems in my lies. That's why there's problems with my disguise.

There's too many twists, too many turns. Too many lives, too many to burn. I cannot escape from the sense of badly moulded identity that lingers through my veins and in my conversations. There's just nowhere to go, nowhere to hide. In time with no added feeling, I keep myself in the same picture. You're the first one to ever love me. And I'm the first one to fall apart. You're the first one to ever love me. And all I do is break your heart.

If I knew how to control what I said without wasting the elements of oxygen and carbon dioxide, I would never have said a word, I would be deaf to insults. Locked inside an interior world that holds nothing but the same. I would air my views but I felt they would only get mangled by our double meanings. It's only then do I regret the words I spoke. How many lives does that kill inside?

Bring Us Back To Life

Imagine the privacy. Imagine the idiocy of time just passing away. The future has no past and yet no present. Staring into a room with your love by your side. Suspended by disbelief that this can't be happening. But it is. But it is. The old you that went before has now been and gone. Open the door and bring us back to life.

And where do we go if you refuse? My mind is keeping up the complications that have us reformed and deformed. Nothing really makes much sense but the urge is too strong and I cannot break with you. You numb the pain that eats inside of me. My mind can't think of any more words to say in this. The failure of language gets in the way of things once again.